Surprise.Hope.Happiness

He surprised me.
if you are reading this, my wonder… you surprised me like a warmth of a match in the winter of my heart, a hearth that didn’t know fire, or the start of it, like now.

Where did that.. how did you. how? I wonder.. my wonderful surprise. I thank the winds that led you to me. That terrible man that insulted you but led you straight to me.

you surprised me with your warmth, your chuckle, your keen interest in who I  was. You surprised me with presents and wine. I didn’t know I was looking for you… I’m not sure you were looking for me either.  You charmed your way into another moment of time. With me, with you, this time chocolate and a crime.

that day I craved to know what a few more times with you might hold. A hope that things could… become so much more. that you could be bold, for me. A Hope you and I could be so much more than I could have imagined.

And that drunk hazy night, in your arms by fairy light, you took advantage of my weak senses and kissed your way to another crime. Lips I thought that would never know the happiness your lips hopped to across my cheek. You sealed my fate, and made my dreams come true, all at the same time.

Surprise.  Hope. Happiness. In two short months… you showed me all that and that the good lord is good on his word, and immortality is worth it with the right man.

What’s Left of You

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I remember you. I remember the beauty in your eyes and your soul, I remember the smile, I remember your heart, I remember what I wanted to protect. I remember your big strong hands, your fair skin, marked by your clumsiness and pride. I remember your head it’s wiry curled crown. I remember all that you were and all that you could be. I also remember your good intentions and painfully, your innocence in all this.

I wish I could say it’s God’s fault for making you perfect. Just perfect for me. But He had other plans for you, plans that don’t involve me. Plans to prosper you and not to undo you with my love. My love for you consumed me, and threatened to consume you too, and everything about you. My love for you which is no more, except for the dregs that circle in my mind as the memories disappear of you and me, as one.

So I remember you now, but you don’t mean the same to me. You don’t feel the same to me. I remember you… but the love that kept you safe in my mind doesn’t protect you anymore, my forgotten love.

My heart forgot you, so my mind only knows what could’ve been all those times my hands slipped over exposed skin. My soul gave up on you, so it wants to corrupt you at any given chance now won. It must burn bridges you don’t even know, because if not, one day my mind will creep in and take what was never mine, just for fun. You didn’t understand the hope you inspired, the lust you fired up. Now the love that protected you is gone,  the monster unchained, but hopefully restrained. But not too quickly. Revenge sounds fun.

It doesn’t forgive as my heart does.. it doesn’t forget like my spirit does, it doesn’t forego as my soul does. My mind seeks vengeance for a heart that was broken. I know what it wants, but I’m not willing to give it. But sometimes it justifies well what might be worthy of damnation. Visions of what could be when my lips know yours for the first to the ten hundredth time. My hands free to know you with no pretense or barrier, with or without your permission. To take what was never consummated. To steal what was never meant to be mine, just because I can, just because I might. Reach out and grab it like eve did, take a bite my body craves, so that I can eat and I will surely forget it lies.

But i know better now. Wiser and stronger thanks to your necessary absence. But still tempted each time you lean in or reach for my hand on reflex, when your leg comfortably rests pasted to mine when seated side by side. I remember what they used to mean, but I remember it in passing, of what was, and what can never be.

Please let what’s left of you peacefully fade.

You are Pain

You are pain, a bitter sweet,
a silly gain,
to know you are here with me,
but never will be,
forever mine, or only for a time,
a fleeting glance,
a one sided romance,
you are pain,

you could be,
the dream that unites a thousand dreams,
but you are pain,
you will know my name,
but never say it like you are meant to,
because i can’t let you,
because i’m meant for something greater,
but for the moment, you are pain,

life says you will pass,
but you are pain,
an ache i hold dear,
a love i have made,
that you will never know,
because if you do, there might be more,
more pain,

you are pain,
like a sudden rain,
you came so fast, and you will end,
and i will never be the same,
yet you will go on,
a heavy cloud, never meant for me,
but rain nevertheless,
yet in vain.

When The Tree Meets The Vine

 

There will be a certain poetry to your ways,

a charm and grace above your days,

a wit quite sublime,

a sense of humor that lets me know you are truly mine.

 

I may not have your beauty, but maybe a touch of the divine,

I have wisdom, and I have my eyes,

That ever see, and tell me what will be,

And what more will I need,

When you will be mine.

 

We will meet, like lovers destined to meet,

and forever else, from that point onwards,

our lives shall be like one, like a vine and a tree,

growing together, one on the other,

till we become one, or one kills the other.

 

We will quarrel like only lovers can,

We will make love,

Like the Spanish dance,

We will play games to which only we know the rules,

Following a prize which we may choose,

 

We will know each other like only lovers can,

We will love each other  like only two hearts can,

But first, lets meet, when our destinies intwine,

when your face will meet mine,

When the tree meets the vine…

Firework

I cried a little watching this video. Everyone needs to be reminded like this, that within them, there is everything they hoped and ever dreamed for; its just waiting for you to wake up, recognize it and let it blow out like one magnificent, never ending firework, sparkling everywhere and anywhere.

Baby, you’re a firework

Come on, let your colors burst
Make ’em go, oh
You’re gonna leave ’em falling down

Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon
It’s always been inside of you, you, you
And now it’s time to let it through

‘Cause baby you’re a firework
Come on, show ’em what you’re worth
Make ’em go, oh
As you shoot across the sky

Thank you Katy Perry, you have made my day…

 

 

 

Family Portrait – For Blacky

Here’s something I thought the blacklight needed to hear from her tubelight, in reply to her family portrait. The peach can also read noh? hehe
all three by ~freakinjeans

all three by ~freakinjeans

A family is a family
when there is love,
where you could live happily,
where you fit like a glove,
your not born in to a family,
your born into love,
if that love is not found there,
just look beyond and above,
just somewhere out there,
without a doubt,
love can be found there,
as i did find out,
so put back your portrait,
of the family of four,
a new portrait can be made,
as you step out the door,
But remember this,
you did come from that place,
from a family of four,
that found you a place,
it may have not been perfect,
it may have not been love,
but there was something there,
that was given from above.
i take that girl,
that felt no emotion,
i take that cold heat,
and give it a solution,
with fire you may burn,
that family portrait,
but with water i bring,
total absolution,
as deep calls to deep,
i know he calls unto you,
he is a love that you can keep,
he is waiting for you,
he gave me some hope,
he gave me a dream,
he brought me closer,
and he brought me you,
you say you’re the blacklight,
but i know its not true,
i know the light within you,
a bright light that is true,
he gave me back a famliy,
he also gave me you,
you may not know it,
but your part of my family too,
so don’t ever look back,
and think of your past,
you know you have me,
i hope you see that now, at last,
you have me the tubelight,
you have also the peach,
you have that little joshy,
you have love that is sweet,
so make that new family portrait,
of a new family of four,
where you could live happily,
in peace forever, evermore..