There will be a certain poetry to your ways,

a charm and grace above your days,

a wit quite sublime,

a sense of humor that lets me know you are truly mine.

I may not have your beauty, but maybe a touch of the divine,

I have wisdom, and I have my eyes,

That ever see, and tell me what will be,

And what more will I need,

When you will be mine.

We will meet, like lovers destined to meet,

and forever else, from that point onwards,

our lives shall be like one, like a vine and a tree,

growing together, one on the other,

till we become one, or one kills the other.

We will quarrel like only lovers can,

We will make love,

Like the Spanish dance,

We will play games to which only we know the rules,

Following a prize which we may choose,

We will know each other like only lovers can,

We will love each other  like only two hearts can,

But first, lets meet, when our destinies intwine,

when your face will meet mine,

When the tree meets the vine…

Yesterday night in my boredom induced youtube video binge, i came across Jehan Ratnayake now a.k.a JOHN BALA.

He’s Funny, Cute, Witty and to top it all off he was Sri Lankan!! And after almost going through his entire (and i DO MEAN ENTIRE!) channel, and blog, and facebook (yes, i have stalker issues), I have gotto say that knowing he exists makes me proud I’m Sri Lankan!! So GO! WATCH!! and Vote, its for his bloody cousin’s wife’s nephews son lol.

To view more of his hilarious videos, check out his channel, and for his extremely amusing collaboration/discussions of current events and topics relating to girls, relationships and the bucket of uselessness (LOL ), check out his blog at  http://gjexperiment.wordpress.com/ You won’t be dissapointed!

Here I am, surrounded by the dull grey of the current weather, my sombre thoughts making me wish I could just crawl back to bed. I don’t know what it is about the rainy season but it makes me lovelorn and depressive. It makes me steel grey like the skies outside surrounded by cold loneliness, assaulted by precious silver tears as heavy as boulders that fall like the rain. I want it to to stop, but part of me likes it, makes me feel like I deserve it.

I wear two rings on my hand that finally felt like they belonged there. They’re both made of silver, one smooth and rounded and a perfect fit for my finger, one a bit larger and patterned. The smooth rounded one was a gift from someone I loved, a love that I still find hard to put away from my thoughts. I always thought that this love would put a ring on the very finger it rests on, not the one I wear now, alone.

I remember lying in his arms, talking  about finally seeing ourselves as one, one day wearing matching bands of precious metal. I told him that they had to be silver though. I always thought gold was a bit tacky, and that what we had was very different. He said okay. One day he’ll propose to me, he’ll give me a silver ring, and we’ll be together forever.

Those were from a happier time, where our love was just a matter of our own. Then things happened that made the matter something not of our own. We could have done things differently, stuck it out through the tough times, but I was made to choose between family, faith and love and for a kid, I was too young to know they were one in the same and that I chose wrong. We parted ways, never to see each other, never speak of what we had. But he was true to his word, he gave me a silver ring, a parting gift of sorts; a smooth and rounded ring, very simillar to a wedding band, cut with a cross that almost splits it in two. He was very thoughtful that way, giving me a bittersweet reminder of what my so called God did to us.

I kept the ring locked away for a few years too saddened to wear it, faced by the horrific reminder of my choices. I was ashamed of what I had done, and what that ring symbolized. Everytime my hand would come across it my little box of treasures, I’d sigh a sad sigh and slip it on for a few seconds wondering how things could’ve been different, how I could’ve been different, and everytime I did slip it on, I became a little different. Bit by bit, I became stronger, I became more confident, more assured and more determined to never have to make decisions I will regret, make decisions that will never hurt the ones I love, the ones I will love. The day I came out, I put the ring on and forever since then, it has been on my hand, a symbol of strength and love. And a little later on, I learnt that faith, family and love were the same thing, and what I once thought was a terrible symbol of what I lost became an affirmation of all the good I have gained.

Till last sunday, I would slip the ring on everytime I left the house, taking it off when I had some work that might damage or dirty it, or when I got back home. I wore the ring on my left ring finger, where it would be if I was still with him. People would joke or ask me why I had it and what it was, and I would tell them simply that it was a gift from my first love, and still is. It was my sunshine in a grey world, a reminder of the good times, the sunny smiles, the warm good things in my life, wishing that maybe one day, that it would be replaced by a real wedding band. But on sunday, I lost the ring. I remember it being on my finger, and with the whirl of activity that was my last sunday. I lost it. Gone. From memory and reality. I tried to find it for the past few days, but everytime I try and fail, it makes me feel worse.

I feel like the green lantern without his ring. Clichéd I know but simply put, it is what it is. The ring was what protected me from my own warring thoughts, my own self depreciation, the acid green envy when I met couples in love or childhood sweethearts. It was the secret ingredient to the elixir that was my happiness. And now, here I am, surrounded by weather far worse than my feelings of forlorn and greydom. And with Sad love songs.

Rainy days, rainy days,

now that you’ve gone far away,

my raindrops fallin’ down my eyes,

you know i’ll never be okay..

Thoughts fade away, fade away,

don’t you know i’m missing you,

here it slowly falls again,

every day and night,

as I open my eyes…

We stepped into his room, and I immediately fell in love with the place. The navy blue bedsheets, the white comfy looking pillows, the random indie rocker posters on the wall, his messy desk… everything, it was so him. Him. I sat on his bed and looked at him, leaning against the door post, saying things without saying while he looked at me, smiling. the world around us ceased to exist when we locked eyes like that, the world and our worries were in another dimension.

He walked into the room and started to close the door, and I just couldn’t wait. I walked over, eyeing that bit of exposed creamy skin where his tshirt had crumpled and ridden down skinny jeans. I touched, and slid my hand under; he had beautiful hips, touching them drove me mad with desire. touching him and finding him sigh at my slightest touch made it worse. He turned to face me, looking down from those dark lashes making me shiver in nervous anticipation . Those rich brown eyes, that thin lined nose and those …

I kissed him, ever so tender, ever so slow, over and over, wanting to know him skin cell to skin cell, to never let go, and… to always love like this, to never regret it, to live it.

Yes Katy Perry, I’m living the teenage dream, but I like Darren Chriss’ version better! hehe. Wow, I’ve never been so in love with an acapella rendition of any time. PURE PERFECTION!!!!

Baby, you’re a firework

Come on, let your colors burst
Make ‘em go, oh
You’re gonna leave ‘em falling down

Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon
It’s always been inside of you, you, you
And now it’s time to let it through

‘Cause baby you’re a firework
Come on, show ‘em what you’re worth
Make ‘em go, oh
As you shoot across the sky

Thank you Katy Perry, you have made my day…

What is it with Cute Boys and Ice Cream!!!! Here’s Nickhun from 2pm showing us how it’s done!!

*sigh* I’ve had this video on repeat a couple of times throughout the day….

….okay maybe longer….

I wonder what Woo young thought of this?! hehe

I died a bit everytime of joy and cute-overload!!!

I first met him when i was barely in my teens; my blue haired, total black wearing, swimmer body days (Yes, I was that guy everyone thought spent too much time watching late-night 90′s Mtv goth specials, and yes, it’s the moment in time my body was at the perfect hight and the perfect definition that I’m yet to achieve). But he saw me, he walked straight upto me with a big grin, 7 stitches across his forehead and gave me a big ‘hi!’ that was a little too enthusiastic for a guy who fell off his roof just 2 days ago. Oh yeah, and he gave me a glass of fanta.

He was a little shorter than me but i don’t mind, his jokes really need a bit of thought though. He was a few years older, I was somewhat wiser,  it was an instant click, it was like I knew him for years. We covered music, movies (my two great loves), we spoke about the common enemy(sisters) and common friends and ……… well, the shared love for Bockwurst Sausages (Give me a break, it was a BBQ!).  There was something soo….nice about him. Something soo……..comfortable about him. Something soo………………….perfect?

Over the next few years and months we’d become on and off friends, chatted a bit here and there when we ran into each other occasionally and then regularly; Colombo is a small place really. These little instances helped me form a perfect picture about him, something that went beyond the boy with the banged face I met all those years ago, something beyond the permanant scar he had on his forehead now. Something soo……… attractive? Yes, I’d just discovered what fancying boys was called, and that it was all right, just as long as no one knows.  Then we became more closer friends…

Suddenly seeing him take his shirt off in public or when it was just the two of us made me want to turn away, and look at the same time. Suddenly, the close proximity while playing video games became uncomfortable, and comfortable. Suddenly the rough rolling and tumbling just felt so wrong, so right so fast. Suddenly lying in the same bed side by side made me wish there was a rift in space that would separate us and also a time paradox that would allow this moment to be on repeat. Suddenly feeding him ice cream made me cringe, and cry. Suddenly when he falls asleep and slides across the sofa onto my shoulder it makes me want to run away and leave him there, and take his glasses off, put his head on my lap and never get up, how could I, I wouldn’t want to disturb that peaceful face while I memorize each tiny detail into my never forgetting memory. Suddenly other things we did together were taking on a new meaning. Suddenly, I was in love.

A love that made me very jealous that he had pretty girls always surrounding him, and other guys. A love that made me very annoyed that he didn’t spend enough time with me, a love that made me question and secretly wish he chose differently when it came to decisions about his future, because I’d be more of part of it. But alas, life had other plans, a blessing in disguise, life – she really is. Life brought her mother reality, reality brought her friend responsibility and her annoying snotty son education and I was to get acquainted well, just like he did. Days, Months and Years passed and those strong ties we developed were undone one by one almost unknowingly. Well, all except for maybe two; the memories that he was ever-present in and probably those silly daydreams one never really forgets when they make plans for there future. How easy it is to dream, an entire reality can exist in it and reality itself can not. I treasured these day dreams, drawing on them when cruel life thought to remind me of the past, and the present was taunting my existence. Always looking to what could be seemed almost as good as a tub of the purest vanilla Ice cream…

Colombo really is a small place really. Like sparks of light in the night, I’d see him in a sea of faces, a body of bodies. That barely there mustache had expanded to a shadow across his face, the hair always seemed different, the weight and body shape too, but the scar on his forehead always a constant, together with his big grin and metal melting gaze. He could be near death, hairless, toothless and blind, I’d still see him for that boy a bit shorter than me, a bit amusing, scar on forehead, big smile, and the boy I loved first.

So yeah, Colombo really is a small place really. He smiled and waved at me at a mall once and, I was mad with glee. A few months ago he saw me outside a restaurant and offered to give me a lift even though i live miles away from him; i almost died of an aneurysm. And he just wrote on my wall, I felt butterflies while waiting for the fucking page to load. But then I pause on his picture for far too long and that sickly sweet blood rush feeling gets replaced with a cold that makes you look away. … because, he doesn’t even know. He doesn’t even know that I think of him as more than the friends we were, that I had more than the friends we were in mind. And part of me wishes he never does, because I rather adore from afar than confess my true feelings and shatter the small dregs of interaction that makes my heart leap every time.

And then I found out, he’s getting married.

Now can you hear the glass window, both ornate and beautiful, that were my dreams, shatter. Now you need to hear me walk over the pieces and beyond the window, out into the world.

I keep your picture by my bed for when im feeling sad
And i dont know why i would be.
The way your smile looks so real
I feel like i could start to understand your grace.
And i dont understand why you’re
Not here with me.
And i dont even wanna know where else
You’d be.

Cause i have photographs and memories of the times
When you weren’t on my mind and i was alone.
And i have poetry and drawings of my life
When you weren’t on my side and i didn’t know
Just what is love…

Writing moments on the wall with different colors
Keeps my mind away from missing you.
And i can’t wait to fall asleep to slip into my dreams
Where we can dance upon a star..
And i will be as patient as a boy in love could ever be.
Cause i don’t feel like i was real until you were
A part of me.

I need you back, i need you back

I need you here.
I need your smile, i need your eyes
I need you dear.
Cause every line on your face makes a beautiful maze
For my eyes to trace…

Now that is what i call a love song! Photograph’s and Memories is a song by Jason Reeves, the writer and original singer of the song “Terrified” that has been sung by Katherine Mcphee and Kara Dioguardi, but i think he sings it better than both of them! hehehe. Check out his Album “The Magnificent Adventures of Heartache ” for more amazingly written and sung songs by him! It’s pure artistry.. Someday i can only hope to be a better songwriter like him!!